1. |
holy
03:53
|
|||
holding your hand it feels so very soft
holding your head i wish i had the strength
but when you talk
it feels okay
youre so perfect in every single way
heavenly, you walk towards me
when you cry
i know im killing you
i wanna see the light of this world
i wanna be someone to nurture it
but im not allowed to
im just a murderer
i hope heaven will treat you well
god please tell me whats wrong with me
so i wont kill
light ever again
please make me holy
|
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2. |
derealization
04:09
|
|||
what would it take to make you apologize?
ive asked a thousand times but never a response
dont offer anything, i wont accept it
dont tell me anything, it wont have meaning
what would it take to get rid of the impressions
on my skin, and on my life, and on everything i have?
regurgitated dissociation, it makes no difference
i dont feel like im at home
crack my bones and wash my skin
disassemble from the base
inject hypnotic hallucinations
to feel some other way
flip the stereo clean the noise
what did you say? i wont understand
break the pieces that need fixing
leave me alone, ill live this way
i wanna get away
i want to feel safe, again
i wanna get away
paint your brain a different place
|
||||
3. |
ill feel fine
03:56
|
|||
ill take back what i said
if youd loosen your grip on my throat
and i feel fine
and ill see you
on the back of every memory
and ill feel, ill feel fine
to see it another way, to see it anywhere alone
you want me to see it your way
but i feel fine
act like youve entered me
chain every every every every limb
and ill feel, ill feel fine
|
||||
4. |
the warm sun above us
03:33
|
|||
still setting sand
the unforgiving path
my dusting stance
the sultry ever warmness
the setting star
cold dried up blood
green simple light
fiery pesticide
|
||||
5. |
the thunderstorm
03:02
|
|||
its cold out here
it keeps raining to no end
the ground is soft and opaque
my feet feel like theyre sinking
my eyes are seen from a distance
they pierce through foggy gray
the creaky rusted home
why wont we flee, why do we stay every night?
|
||||
6. |
trying my best to exist
03:15
|
|||
how to rip the insides from you
how to rip my skin clean
bound in bed, my skins turning red
i spent another ten dollars
why do i keep repeating
inside this endless loop of regret?
you yelled at me like you knew who i am
you dont know who i am
you think youre so fucking smart?
well ill let you be the judge...
when your mother kicked you out
and when i made my arms bleed
the spirit holds but grows and decays
the spirits boiling deeper
ill gouge out your pretty eyes
so you can see me all the time
this feeling is what i wanna kill
a figment worth living for
and im digging my hands into the earth
with all the muscle i have
concave appendages rise through me
another null analogy
we'll die inside your mothers grave
ill take it to my grave
we'll die inside your mothers grave
ill take it to my grave
|
||||
7. |
real family
02:08
|
|||
i wont make my bed
i wont take my meds
you make me feel
i want to make you . . . . . . . .
i feel better
i feel beautiful
mama i care for you
ill make things better, mama
he wont choke us out
i wont let him
"we can do it
i guess we just have to do it"
|
||||
8. |
pancakes
02:17
|
|||
i keep seeing you in my dreams
where im brave enough to do all the things
that i want to and make everything okay
wrap your arms around me
and forget you didnt like me
until you remember the bad things i said about you
lets go out for pancakes
n talk about all our deepest thoughts
we wont dare to tell anyone else about
|
||||
9. |
my only friend
02:20
|
|||
driving my dog
to the hospital
shes sick
been in pain for a while
shes my
only friend
i bring her
to her death bed
n i wish that my friends
spent more time with her
n i wish that my dad
loved her as much as she loved him
n i hope that my prayers
werent left unheard
driving my dog
back home
|
||||
10. |
report #17-002421
03:02
|
|||
deceive me
pin me
rip my hair out, throw me down the stairs
hold me up from my neck
against the screen door
my face turning purple
my mothers drunk
my dog is sick
im scared im scared i am scared
i am scared
screaming
you fell down the stairs as your fist missed
my face and i tripped your ankle against
a razor blade
called me a faggot and kicked me out of the car
i am not troubled
i am not troubled
i am not troubled
i am safe, i am home
|
hollow hymns Illinois
old sounds from a younger LILITH
experimental lo-fi emo rock noise pop about queer identity, mental illness, cycles of abuse, and inner healing. harsh music through harsh times for brighter days.
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